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Marten Reed
| first = | gender = Male | twitter = martenreed | nickname = Marty Skinnysaurus Assbutt Buttpoop Flower-Pits }} Marten Reed is one of the main characters of Questionable Content. In fact, as the first person to speak in the comic, it could be argued that he is the main character. He is the only other character besides Faye Whitaker to have appeared in over half the strips in the comic.Count of character appearances He is the human companion of Pintsize, is Faye's housemate in apartment 22 . For a while, he was in a relationship with Dora Bianchi, but he is currently in a relationship with Claire Augustus. Biography Background Marten is originally from northern California. http://jephjacques.com/post/11678709862/qa-dump-12 His parents, who divorced when he was ten, are Henry Reed (a gay nightclub owner) and Veronica Reed (a fetish model and professional dominatrix, known by her stage name Veronica Vance). His step-father is Maurice Duplantier. Marten is an only child. His only other known relatives are an aunt named Jane, an unnamed uncle, and an unnamed grandfather. Marten was bullied in school and was anxious enough as a child to require a Worry hat. He used to play the clarinet. In high school, Marten was club president of the Dungeons and Dragons club. Even now he has only a few friends, judging from his address book. Marten majored in music history and critical theory. When the comic started, he was working in an office job which he detested and it paid only slightly more than twenty thousand dollars per year. He now works at Smif College's Williston Library, with Tai as his boss. He has no interest in following his mother into the family business. 1–999 Before the comic started, Marten lived in California and moved to Massachusetts to follow his girlfriend Vicky. Meeting Faye Marten and Steve met Faye in a bar, and immediately she established boundaries. They hung out at Marten's apartment that night. Faye worked at Coffee of Doom with Sara whom Marten secretly lusted after (the feeling was mutual) but was too shy to actually do anything about it. One of the first things Marten and Faye did together was visit the Irony Cafe. Shortly thereafter, she asked if she could stay at his apartment because hers burnt down. Sarah found out and was suitably angry until Faye explained that the relationship was purely platonic and that she slept on the couch; but then Sarah had an epiphany and rejected him before she even asked him out. While Faye occasionally exhibited signs of attraction toward Marten, particularly when drunk, and Marten was obviously attracted to her, Faye made it clear she was not interested in a sexual relationship with him. This sexual tension finally ended for good —with Faye explaining her emotional issues regarding the suicide of her father. Shortly thereafter, Marten began dating Dora Bianchi. When Faye got tired of sleeping on Marten's couch, she suggested they get a larger apartment and they find their current place at 144 Dwight Street apt 22. Shortly after moving in, Marten's mother, Veronica Reed came to visit, and was outed as the fetish model Veronica Vance when she met Dora. It turned out she had a business meeting with a publisher interested in her memoir. After she left, Faye called the visit the "test of the mom jabbar" (a punny reference to the book Dune). Faye is Marten's best friend. Dora Faye introduced Marten to her boss, Dora Bianchi and it was immediately apparent that Dora had a crush on him. When Faye told Dora about an incident where Marten walked in on her while she was changing (even though she was wearing a bra), Dora threatened to and then at earliest opportunity, did flash him. Steve shanghaied Marten into a double date with Dora so that he had a wingman for his first date with Ellen. The date went well enough that Steve gave Marten the signal to leave, so Marten walked Dora home. She invited him in for coffee and they discussed his hot/cold relationship with Faye. Two days after Faye let Marten down , Dora made her move and kissed him. Though he was onboard for the relationship, Dora immediately began questioning whether he was just settling ; though he told her he was not, this insecurity was part of a theme that ran throughout their relationship. Ellen was critical of their relationship starting so soon after "The Talk". Dora also got angry when Marten got a haircut without consulting her first. Hannelore Marten met Hannelore Ellicott-Chatham in the women's room of a bar when he was too drunk to find the men's room. She invited him to her place for Scrabble ("Sex is for no."). Marten was a bit creeped out when he realized she lived in the same complex as he, and when he realized that she'd been stalking him, he ran to his apartment to grab Faye's taser and zapped himself. Faye came home and began interrogating her, and found out that Hannelore is the upstairs neighbor in apartment 36 who vacuums at four in the morning. Despite the awkward first meeting, Hannelore is a regular fixture in Marten and Faye's apartment, and will often fall asleep on Marten's couch. Though she obviously has an attraction to Marten, she finds hugging difficult and kissing disgusting. Hannelore says Marten and Marigold are her best friends. Deathmøle When Marten got a tax return check in the mail, he went out and bought a guitar to replace the one he had sold to move out of California. When Natasha and Amir find out Marten plays guitar, they invited him to jam with them. Natasha names the band Deathmøle. When they decide that they need a drummer, Marten asks Hanners if she wants to learn. She takes to it quickly ("Drumming is counting using your whole body!") and becomes a member of the band. When Hannelore wins a $2000 bet for Marten against her mom , Marten upgrades to a $1600 1970s era Gibson SG. Later, when Marten and Amir try to get Nat to learn more chords and do less feedback, she quite the band and broke up with Amir. The band continues as a threesome. Work When Marten complained about his job—his business card literally said "Office Bitch" , Dora talked to him about maybe quitting and finding some more satisfying employment. When he got to work that day, he was told he was fired (laid off). The next day, Nat told him to apply for a job at the library. He went to apply and, when he recognized that the application form was written in iambic pentameter, was hired on the spot. Vespavenger Sven was run over by a "drunk hipster chick on a Vespa" in a seemingly random encounter, but then she reappeared, trying to run down Steve, to revenge him breaking up with Ellen, but left when he tells her that Ellen broke up with him. Dora discovered the Vespavenger's website and she and Faye decided to take her down, which they did with the help of Marten, Pintsize and his robot friends; though Marten took damage in the fray. 1000s Tai Tai Hubbert is Marten's boss at the library. She quickly integrated into the circle of friends when Marten took her to the bar to meet Jimbo with Faye and Dora. Her diminutive size and butch appearance made Dora want to keep her like a pet. Tai has a tendency to push Marten outside his comfort zone: her idea of bonding with him was to go and get a clit piercing, casually stripping off her pants in front of him and requiring he hold her hand during the procedure. It cetrainly didn't help that she immediately went to Coffee of Doom to show Dora. Dora Marten and Dora went to her parents' house for dinner, with a few awkward moments regarding Marten's mom. Dora moved in with Marten and Faye. Dora's insecurities flare up over Marten having some feelings for Faye and his ex-girlfriends, then when Faye slept with her brother, when Cosette asked him out (he turned her down), and again when she caught Faye hugging him in the living-room. When Marten got angry with her for looking at his porn collection after he specifically told her not to, she broke up with him and Sven helper her move out. The Worry Hat Hannelore told Marten she was worried, so he gave her a Worry Hat, telling her to put it on and activate it by saying "Worry Hat, engage". It worked, and he told her to keep it. After his break-up with Dora, Hanners returned the Worry Hat, to make him feel better. The Secret Bakery After the break-up with Dora, Marten had to find someplace other than Coffee of Doom to get his caffeine fix, so he and Hannelore searched around town and found The Secret Bakery, where he met Padma. Marten continued to go to The Secret Bakery even after he returned to Coffee of Doom. It was at there that he learned that he had become a "townie". Tai started thinking about getting with Dora and Marten saw Dora for the first time post-breakup, when they decided they could still be friends. 2000s The library got three summer interns: Claire, Emily, and Gabby. Tai tasked Marten with supervising and training them, because she felt he needed the extra responsibility. Later, she and Faye ship Marten with each of them, to his annoyance. Padma Meanwhile, Marten went hiking on Mount Tom with Momo, Sam and Padma. Padma mentions that she's moving to LA, to care for her ailing grandmother. He and Padma hook up, and despite her set plans start falling for each other. But when Padma canceled a date, he got angry and told her he wouldn't see her on her last night in town. Space Hannelore invited her two best friends, Marten and Marigold to go to The Space Station to celebrate her dad's birthday. They saw the room Hannilore grew up in, and learned about her childhood. Hannelore's dad asked Marten--as his daughter's closest friend-- if she was happy down on Earth. He tries to get Marten to use "Fournier-Goldman Happiness Units", but Marten screwed it up. Hanner's told him she'd never been happier in her whole life. Marten and Hanners helped one of the scientists make out with Marigold. Marten went off with Lieutenant Potter, to drink away from the noisy scientists. She told him he should email Padma, and turned him down before he could make a move on her. When they returned, Pintsize was angry that he wasn't allowed to go and talk to Station, so Marten gave him Station's email address. Padma replied to his email and told him she was fine and she was sorry things didn't work out. Party at the Lake Emily invited everyone to party at her parents' lake house. When Marten and Tai went to Coffee of Doom later on, Tai insisted on inviting Dora herself. At the lake house, Marten discovered that he and the gang are Emily's only friends ("Oh lord, we've adopted another one.") During the party, Marten and Claire were alone, and she told him he had nice friends, and he replied, "You're one of 'em now." She decided to tell him that she was trans and he thanked her for telling him. When she asked him what he wanted to know, he said he was fine with whatever she felt comfortable telling him. Dora and Tai Marten told Tai he was cool with her making out with Dora. She drunkenly confessed her feelings to Dora and the following day, reiterated her feelings and they had their first kiss. After their first date, Tai panicked and went to Marten for advice. He told her that the date went fine and that if she let things progress naturally everything will work out. Marten realized that his father's wedding was coming up and went looking for a date to take along. Faye and Dora were unavailable , and then Hannelore got sick so Claire volunteered to drive him. Marten flipped out when he learned that his parents had Black Flag play their wedding, and again when he was introduced to German electronic musician and founder of BPitch Control, Ellen Allian, the DJ for the wedding. After the reception, Marten and Claire fell asleep on his bed, and he woke later to find her cuddling him. He turned off the light and in the morning she was in her own bed and said nothing about the incident. When Marten told Faye about it later, she suggested it was only a dream. Marten traded in his telecaster for an Ibanez RG2228http://jephjacques.com/post/47041813192/qa-qa-qa 8-string guitar, which wiped out his savings. Clinton thanked Marten for being a gentleman about his sister cuddling him, Which caused Claire to have a panic attack. Marten assured her that he already knew it happened and that he was not weirded out about it. Later that day, Marten and Hanners explain his relationship with Faye and informed Claire that she was now a part of the group of friends. Veronica and Jim Tai and Claire began shipping his mom and Jim Bean, and he mentioned to episode to his mom on the phone. Some time later, she made a surprise visit, and told Marten she was going to have coffee with Jim. Tai and Claire were all excited about it, marrying them off after one date, but based on that date, Veronica decided to move out from California. In light of her dad dating his, Samantha Bean offered Marten a friendship frog, and invited him to walk in the woods. Emily went with them, and was bitten by a snake. Marten quickly tore up his t-shirt and made a tourniquet for her, and Sam pointed out that the snake was non-poisonous. When Emily told the story back at Coffee of Doom, the girls made fun of him, but afterward, Emily kissed him on the cheek in appreciation. When Marten talked it out with Tai, she told him it probably meant nothing, and then questioned whether dating an intern was actually unethical. Steve and Hanners also agreed that the kiss was probably nothing. After sharing some "crisis wine" with Faye, he finally came to the conclusion that is was probably nothing and would let it slide. Marten invited Claire to got to the bar with him and some of the gang. Faye deduced that Claire had a crush on Marten, though Claire denied it. Faye then decided that she Marten and CLaire must drink some more th athe apartment. Once they were all comfortable on the couch, Faye went to bed, which left Marten and Claire getting terribly close. But Claire, realizing they were both a little too drunk, decided to be reasonable and go home. Dating Claire }} The next morning, Marten called Claire to have breakfast with him, but her mother answered the phone and invited him over for pancakes. After breakfast, Marten told Claire that he wanted to start a relationship with her, and they kissed. A short while after their successful first date, Claire asked Marten to watch a movie with at her house, but Marten got home to find Faye unconscious from drinking too much. He cancelled the date and got Faye to the hospital. When the crisis with Faye was over, Claire went Marten's apartment, and they made love. Faye fell off the wagon, and Marten felt he had to keep an eye on her, so when Claire called, asking ot come over, he told her not to come. Claire angrily hung up on him, but Faye took his phone and threatened to beat Marten up if Claire didn't come over. When she got there, she reassessed the situation, realized that Faye needed to talk things out with Marten privately and extracted a promise of no beating people up from Faye before leaving. Marten said, "So, talk to me." And Faye did. 3000s Claire decided that she wanted a septum ring, and though professed not being a fan of them, he supported her choice and they went to the piercing studio Talk of future prospects lead to Marten's realization about instability of his employment. Claire helped Marten open a savings account. Current status He currently lives at 144 Dwight Street, apartment 22 with Faye, Bubbles, and Claire; although his best male friend is Steve. Personality Religion Marten's religious beliefs have never been mentioned "on screen" but a newspost said "cheerful agnosticism". Sex and drugs and rock&roll Sexuality Marten is comfortable with and supportive of gay people, and seems free of hangups about gay sex. His tastes are vanilla, but he knows bondage techniques (no doubt due to his mother). He recognizes that Sven has a nice ass. Despite being surrounded by attractive women, Marten has explained that he does not fantasize about Penelope, Tai or Faye, but does for Raven. Marten is currently in a relationship with Claire Augustus. Drugs Marten is a regular coffee drinker (his favorite is a large latte) but is no gourmet. Faye accused him of being satisfied with anything hot and brown colored. Marten is a casual drinker of alcohol, and has been shown drinking beer. He has also been known to binge drink when emotionally stressed, but only rarely. Marten does not seem to use use any other drugs, neither smoking nor ever having dropped acid. Music preferences We know some of the concerts he's attended and that Modest Mouse makes him nostalgic, but on the many occasions when he's talked about bands he's not tended to talk about his tastes. Marten is known to have a Mogwai poster, and on his blog he listed Broken Social Scene as a favorite. He likes David Bowie's Outside or at least admires its depth, and likes The Flaming Lips. He says he appreciates the work of Sir Mix-a-Lot. He has complimented the songwriting of Belle and Sebastian, and is an intense fan of Thurston Moore. He is a fan of American glam metal band Poison. He also appeared knowledgeable of electronic music when speaking with Tai, particularly Ricardo Villalobos' Fizheuer Zieheuer, and has a T-shirt bearing the name of British electronic artist "Gold Panda". He is also a fan of Liars, and possibly William Shatner. He seems to be a fan of "post-post-ironic" music, particularly Deerhoof. His bedroom has a poster for the Texan rock band "Spoon". He has a T-shirt for American rapper Biz Markie and the Canadian post-rock band Godspeed You! Black Emperor. He is familiar with the music of Swedish extreme metal band Meshuggah. He has also met and likes the DJ Ellen Aillen. He appears to like Society For Creative Rock Anachronism, and a friend believed he would like an Explosions in the Sky album. He, along with Steve and Faye, are also fans of the band Dune and often have conversations about their style and taste. He also mentioned that the Failure album he downloaded was "Really fucking good" and that he felt he had "missed out on them while they were together". There are a few he has complained about. When asked by Faye about his favorite Toto song he revealed it was "Rosanna". This seems to conflict with Faye's favorite ("Africa") and is completely disregarded by Dora who hates the band with a passion. His ringtone is "One More Time" and previously was "I am trying to break your heart". Marten has an intense dislike of the Sex Pistols, with an apparent specific hatred of "God Save the Queen", as well as Metallica's "St. Anger". He would not complain if someone assassinated the former MTV VJ Lisa "Kennedy" Montgomery. He seems to dislike drum circles. Relationships He is kind and considerate, but knows when to be snarky. He has a very mild, malleable disposition, to the point of often being a pushover. He is slow to anger, but will react when a friend is mistreated. Marten may be shy. He is at any rate slow to make friends, if Pintsize is to be believed (hah!). According to Pintsize Marten had lived in Northampton for two years before meeting his first friend there, Steve. Marten now says he has a lot of friends, but his phone address book has only a few entries. Marten is an underachiever who dreams of a successful band but spends his Saturdays "watching Cartoon Network and moping". On the subject of Marten's apparent aimlessness, , Jeph Jacques said: At any rate, he knows one thing he doesn't want to do, namely taking over his mother's business. Marten's concept of an ideal life is listening to music and drinking coffee. His favorite drink is a large latte. Appearance Marten is slender, not muscular, and between 5-8" and 5-10".http://jephjacques.com/post/14633541661/qa-dump-23 He has black hair and blue eyes. He claims to be incapable of growing facial hair. Memorable quotes *"Hey, that's not fair! The other day I wanted some soup, and there was none in the apartment. What did I do? I went to the friggin' store and got some soup! If that's not taking charge of a situation I don't know what is." *"I need to learn some new profanity, 'cause the old standards just aren't cutting it in this situation." *"What the hell ass balls?!" *"Pfft. Fuck rent, I'm buying a guitar." *"Quick, placate the other patrons with your rosy cookie gases!" *"What's the best way to piss off an indie rock snob? Actually enjoy music." *"That may be the greatest non-sequitur in human history" *"There needs to be a word for those brief moments of clarity where you realize how profoundly weird your life is." *"I just... tripped over my gigantic wang. Happens all the time. Damn thing's like a malicious ball python." *"The hangover is the worst part of Mistake Whiskey, though. Instead of caffeine and aspirin you need distance and perspective and they don't sell those at the drugstore." *"...guh?" *"It's not my fault I'm a delicate flower." *"Mm. Waffles." *"...this will be the most efficient way of blotting out the realization that my computer has a more active love life than me." *"Seriously, make sure you get off the train at Orgasm-town. The next five stops are all in Bitter-Recrimination-ville, and that's a really bad neighborhood." *"Gah, I can feel your hands through my hoodie! They're freezing! I've fucked corpses warmer than you!" *"Who needs flowers and chocolate when you've got Hitler's brain in a jar?" *"I should really just clonk you on the head right now, but somehow it feels uncharitable." *"I make barely twenty thousand dollars a year. I have thousands of dollars in student loans to pay off, and I can barely afford to pay my rent each month and still buy food. I hate my job, but because of this shitty economy, I can't afford to quit and find a job I actually like." *"I just spent the night with a hot chick who can quote Poison lyrics at will. I win so hard." *"She's a problem for me like a porch light is a problem for a moth." *"Man, I'd be the worst praying mantis ever. 'Oh sure, you can bite my head off without mating with me, I understand. You have ISSUES.'" *"You try being used as a human shield by a scimitar-wielding monk and see how your bladder holds up!" *"Hmm...nope, too late. I'm fuckin' you in the ear just to make sure." *"Science Daddy Science Daddy can't you see/sometimes your research just hypnotizes me" *"I gave up around where they introduced Irrational Birthday Integers." *"I'll have a double racist-grandma on the rocks." *"What do you know about Pokemon?" *"Am I the one being hazed?" *"Lighten up. Life's short, you gotta stop and smell the first-edition Melvilles along the way. *"I have no idea why we're playing dodgeball, just go with it." *"My girlfriend is cooing over my boss's vulva like it was a newborn kitten." *"My life hasn't stopped being completely fucking bizarre since you said 'hi' that first time." *"I have the weirdest friends" *"Stop talking and let me be happy for you" * "Last night felt totally natural. Kissing you felt totally natural. Sitting here with my arm around you feels totally natural, so I think we can just take it as it comes and we'll talk to each other, and figure out what needs figuring out." Gallery Marten1.gif|Marten Reed from marten2.JPG|Marten from Comic martenyearbook.JPG|Marten in High School Year book marten3.JPG|Marten from marten4.JPG|Marten from marten5.JPG|Marten from martenhaircut.JPG|Marten after a haircut in marten6.JPG|Marten from marten7.JPG|Marten from martenhair.JPG|Marten briefly tries out a new haircut, Marten.gif MarteenReed1.JPG Marten 2012.JPG|Marten in Marten.JPG| lasermarten.png|High school yearbook photo, from Jeph Jacques's Livejournal Apartment layout This is a general layout of how Marten and Faye have their apartment set up. The area between the two rooms is the closet for each individual room. Trivia * Jeph has created Marten's blog about indie music. However, it has not been updated since 2006. * In Marten jokes about being a "Professional Indie Ogler". This is later referenced in the title of . * Baby pictures of Marten are shown in . * His mother refers to him as "Marten Tiberius Reed" when she is upset with him , but stated the first time that Tiberius is not actually his middle name.